A home-cooked meal led to a food fight between a couple — and a psychologist shared insight aimed particularly at one person of the pair.
Describing her relationship dilemma in a Reddit forum, a user asked if she was wrong “if my boyfriend made a meal and asked me how it was, and I said, ‘Fine.’”
She wrote, “My boyfriend made chicken breast with some white rice, a salad with garlic, and we had some pickles and beetroot on the side (from jars). And we sit down and he says, ‘How is it?’ And I said, ‘Fine, there’s nothing special, everything tastes as it should.'”
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This apparently did not suffice.
“He got upset,” the woman reported, “and said he added extra garlic in the lettuce and soy sauce on the breast (we both said we couldn’t taste that), and I said I am not used to making comments about food [as] he is in his family.”
She shared that in her boyfriend’s family, “everyone has to say something along the lines of ‘how delicious’ … ‘so tasty’ … ‘yum’… at every meal.”
She added that her family approaches meals differently — and that they’d regard that type of commentary as “a bit fake.”
The woman said her boyfriend “picked up his plate and left to eat in the office. I don’t feel like partaking in a family tradition I don’t feel is natural,” she added.
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“I feel like I am forced to say something I don’t care about it or don’t believe in. It’s chicken breast and white rice.”
Many Redditors took to the comments section to reveal thoughts about the couple’s food fight.
“If my husband makes a meal and it’s either new or from scratch, I tell him ‘thank you’ and that it’s really good,” wrote one person.
She added, “Unless it isn’t good. I’ll be honest [in that case], but that’s really rare.”
Said another user, “I feel like I relate. My former partner loved to cook, to fiddle with flavors, etc. It was important to him. Me, I don’t like to cook. I don’t find enjoyment [from] talking about food nuances.”
Another person commented about the man mentioned in the situation, “He and his family are used to words of affirmation as ways to show love. You don’t have to use flowery language, but you could have said, ‘It’s good, babe, thanks for making dinner.’”
Instead, added the same person, “What you said was a deliberate snub.”
Another person on Reddit wrote, “If someone makes you food and then asks you about their food, the first thing out of your mouth should be a compliment.”
Yet another person told the woman who shared her story, “You even come off as condescending in the way you write. Why does it matter that things were out of jars etc.? If someone puts effort into cook[ing] for you, they deserve some sort of gratitude.”
A clinical psychologist based in California who specializes in relationship issues essentially agreed with the above sentiments — and had some thoughtful words of advice for the woman in question.
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“I can understand your perspective, especially if you didn’t grow up in a family that made a big fuss over meals,” Kathy Nickerson, Ph.D., told Fox News Digital, addressing the woman. “To you, saying, ‘It’s fine,’ might feel neutral or even positive, because nothing was wrong.”
Nickerson added, “But here’s the thing. In relationships, feelings matter more than facts.”
“Even if the chicken was just OK or the flavors weren’t special, your boyfriend was hoping to connect with you, to feel appreciated and to share a little pride in something he did. So when the response was matter-of-fact, he didn’t just hear, ‘This food is fine.’ He heard, ‘You didn’t do anything special’ — and that stung.”
She also said, “That doesn’t mean you need to lie or pretend. But it might be helpful to find something kind and honest to say, especially if you want him to keep cooking.”
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For example, she continued, “you could say, ‘Thanks for making dinner, I really appreciate it,’ or, ‘This looks great,’ or even just, ‘I love it when you cook.’ You don’t have to gush or fake enthusiasm, but a small moment of praise or appreciation can go a long way in helping your boyfriend feel valued.”
Nickerson added, “At the end of the day, most people are motivated to keep doing things — like cooking, helping, showing affection — when they feel appreciated. So if you liked that he made dinner, please find a way to authentically praise him or the food.”